sometimes i wish i can like texts so i dont have to text back
GOOD: i just popped my sternum
BAD: i’m indecisive (wrote you a poem, but i don’t want you to read it)
UGLY: your face after i punch it!
liked someone so much, that when you thought about him, you could smell him?
um, we met at 4:00. and i asked where he wanted to go.. but he wasn’t sure where to go. so, i decided for us. went to the park. we walked nearly the whole time. and it was really nice.
we talked a lot. but we also had a lot of silence. but, it wasn’t awkward.
we would bump into each other, flirty. and he grabbed and held my hand.
and he would say “ka-ta-ri-na” and i would reply “young-ha” and then he would hug me.
we walked a REALLY long way, and so he would ask to sit down on a bench. and i would jokingly call him “ahjussi” and then i pulled him further. and we just joked around with each other. he pushed me up a hill.
he told me that he liked me. why he liked me. he said, “you know, i like you. and it’s hard to control myself around you. because you are so nice. always smiling. you always teach me things. you are good teacher. you are an angel.”
i said “thanks. i’m not an angel.”
he told me about how A sends him weird things. like, “who do you like better? me or katarina?” and so i told him about how A thought we were in competition for him.
and, i told him he was a bad guy. he asked why. i told him because he had a girlfriend. and that he is too nice.
he told me he likes me better, but he doesn’t know what to do about A always texting him. and then we talked about how he had wanted to see me yesterday, all day. and, how he thought a friend of mine might have thought i was weird on friday, because of how i was sort of hitting kgramps.
and so i told him i “hit” him because i like him. and it was romantic.. because he said, “look into my eyes and tell me why i am a bad man.” and so i did underneath a bridge.
and then we finally started walking back towards where i parked. i think we walked 6 miles? and he held my hand, and said it was because i was cold and because it was dark.
we took a break on a park bench. and he leaned his head on my shoulder. then, after a few minutes he said it was my turn. so, i turned my back to him, acting as though i was mad at him, but leaned into him. and he moved to where my head was on his chest. and then he sort of did this back hug. then, i moved his arm off my chest, and started walking more.
he took my hand again, and i said it was inappropriate. we talked about it a bit, but we still held hands and walked. then, we finally made it to the swings, because that’s my favorite thing to do late at night. and, he pushed me on the swings. i said i didn’t like it. and so then we talked about the whole girlfriend thing.
and he was telling me about how they aren’t getting along, and how the distance makes things worse.. and so i told him he should break up with her. he said that breaking up over the phone was rude. and that he couldn’t do it. so, i asked him if he rather cheat on his girlfriend than break up with her on the phone. and he said he just wanted to do what was natural. so i told him that he shouldn’t do anything with me if he wasn’t going to break up with his girlfriend.
then he asked if we could remain friends. i said yes, but then we needed to draw strict boundaries. no more holding hands, no more hugs. he asked if we could have one last hug, and i said, “no. we must let it die.” he was confused, and so i explained, “when an animal dies, it gives nourishment for a flower to bloom, but if the animal stays alive, it will dig up the plant, and the plant will die.” then he asked me what would happen if he passed the boundaries. and i said, “i will smack you across the face.”
yeah. and so, since he’s unwilling, he doesn’t get to just mess around with me. i’m not just some toy to be played with. if he decides to break up with her, then we can reevaluate. but, until then, just friends.
the drive back to his dorm, he barely spoke. the only noise we had was my music.. which i didn’t even really sing along to like usual. but, before he got out, he said, “see you next weekend.”
oh, and at one point, when we were sitting at a picnic table, he told me he didn’t understand why i didn’t already have a boyfriend. and i said i only liked bad men. that’s why later, i told him he was a bad man.
my boobs are SHRINKING!! how is that even possible? i thought they were supposed to get bigger as you get older. they were tiny to begin with.. if my body is going to get rid of fat.. why can’t it be somewhere else?
well, so much has happened in the last week. it feels like it should be longer than that. but, so here’s the rundown: we met and there hasn’t been a dull moment. not everything has gone according to plan, but it’s all been fun! spontaneity is the definition of this relationship so far. we got his ear pierced, i dyed his hair at my home, we played a silly children’s board game until the morning hours, i helped him with homework, he bought me dinner, he made me waffles (made sure they weren’t too hot, cut them into bite-size pieces, and even remembered i hate grape-flavored things).. and then yesterday:
i went to his “graduation”, and then i drove us about an 1.5 hours to go try some fudge, because he’d never had it before. we taste tested together, and then i bought the fudge. then, we went to a cave i like, and he payed for our tickets (we played around). then we went for this scenic drive in the mountains. we sang along to my pop music and talked. i found out he has a girlfriend, but he told me that he is thinking about breaking up with her* after that, i drove us back to his apartment. i met one of his roommates. he made me korean style ramyun. then we watched a marathon on food network. we goofed around. we did palm readings, and talked about blood types. then we watched friends. before we knew it, it was tomorrow. so, i said i had to go. he walked me out to my car. he hugged me, gave me a handshake, and then grabbed my face and kissed me on the cheek*
the ** are for things that made me kind of uncomfortable. i really like him. he’s older.. by 9 years! and so yeah.. i’m not comfortable with someone having a girlfriend. so, i hope we can just be friends, or he breaks up with her. because our relationship can’t go any further without that being cleared up.